English Jokes Wishes and Status Messages

Only Two Types Of Communications Are Fastest In The World…
.
.
.
E-Mail To Email
&
Female To Female….

Teacher: Behind every successful man there is a women
what do we learn from this?
Student: we should stop wasting time in studies and find a woman.

KID :- Why some of ur hair are
white dad ?
DAD : - Every time a son make his dad
unhappy ,
one of his father's hair turns white .....
KID :- Now understand why
grandpa's hairs are all white.

A student is talking to his teacher.

Student: 'Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?'
Teacher: 'Of course not.'
Student: 'Good, because I haven't done my homework.'

One million copies of a new book sold
In just two days due to typing error of one alphabet in title.
'An idea,that can change your WIFE'
While real word was(LIFE).

Two factory workers are talking
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

In a classroom Teacher asks a student to count from 0 to 10. Student : 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Teacher : Where is 5?
Student : Yesterday I heard in the news that 5 died in a car accident…..

Boys Always Remain Faitfull To Their Girlfriend..!!
But,
Which Girlfriend??
That's Still a Topic Of Research..!!

A: Why are you late?
B: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
A: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
B: No, I was standing on it.

Teacher: Tell me the name of any Microsoft Product?
Bunty: MS Excel
Lucky: MS Word
Bittu: MS Powerpoint
Pappu after thinking a lot, “MS Dhoni”!

When a Guy does Something Wrong…
Girl : You broke my Favorite Lamp !!!
Boy : It was an Accident… I didn’t mean to..!!
Girl : I can’t believe you did this.
Boy : I’m Sorry.. !! :/ :/ :/
When a Girl does Something Wrong…
Boy : You Lost My Dog??!!!
Girl : It was an Accident… I didn’t mean to..!!
Boy : I can’t believe you did this.
Girl : I already feel bad about it..!! Stop making me feel Worse..!!
Boy : I’m Sorry.. !! :/ :/ :/

Another Moon?… Possible Another Sun?… Possible Another Sky?… Possible Another person Like U?… Impossible ‘Coz God can’t make the same Mistake twice.

U luv sumone… u marry sumone else. The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband & the one u loved becomes the password of your emai id…!

A Woody Joke..
What wood happn if u had a wooden car,
with wooden seats
wooden tyres..
and a wooden engine?
It Wooden't start..!

Boy: I can’t marry you. My family is not permitting me.


Girl: Who’s in your family?


Boy: My wife and children.

A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.

A man was pulled over for driving too fast,
even though he thought he was driving just fine.
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!

A Chinese couple Mr. & Mrs. Hua got twins without marriage. What did they name them?!!!? JO-hua, SO-hua

Me without you and your Love would be
Like Facebook without Friends,
YouTube Without Videos
And
Google with No Results..
Keep Loving Me )

Kiss Is The Key Of Love,
Love Is The Lock Of Marriage,
Marriage Is The Box Of Children,
And too many Children means more Problem for the world
So Please Stop Kissing & Save the world for a while…

A motorist hit a sparrow. He took d unconscious bird, put in cage with bread & water. Bird wakes up, luks around & screams: Salakhen! My God! I’ve killed the motorist.

Dear reciever, I’m a Blonde Virus. I’m not so advanced, so pls delete all ur files urself and also help me to spread by sending to all. Thank U !

What is the height of Flirting? It’s When your love letter starts with: TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN

The patient says, 'Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.'
The doctor says, 'Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.'
mug = cup

The patient says, 'Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
The doctor says, 'Next, please.'

Teacher: What's the past participle of the verb 'to ring?'
Student: What do you think, sir?
Teacher: I don't think. I KNOW.
Student: I don't think I know either, sir.

Two children are talking.

A: Meet my new born brother.
B: Oh, he is so handsome! What's his name?
A: I don't know. I can't understand a word he says

A guy says to his friend, 'Guess how many coins I have in my pocket.'

The friend says, 'If I guess right, will you give me one of them?'

The first guy says, 'If you guess right, I'll give you both of them.'

MOM ALWAYS SAID...
Money Doesn't Grow On Trees
Mom!!!! money is made from
paper & paper comes from trees.
Therefore your argument is
invalid..

Class Room is Like a Train
1st Two Benches r Reserved For VIP . .
Nxt Two Benches r General coach
Then
Last Two Benches r Vry Demanded.
Bcz Its SLEEPER COACH :P :D

A pizza and an apple were thrown down from the 15th floor.
Which will reach down first?
.
.
Ans:The Pizza,as it's fast food!