Funny Wishes and Status Messages - Page 145

If Tennis Players get Tennis Elbow...Do gynecologists get Tunnel vision?

What''s the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don''t serve food here".

If u think sex is a pain in the arse u are doing it wrong!

Smoking one cigarette makes your life 11 minutes shorter. A good fuck makes it last 15 minutes longer. So smokers...FUCK FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!

Press down down more Ok more YES ahh ohh yes almost there yeah oh shit harder SO GOOD ! mmmmm That''s how I sex on text !

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering

Im at the PoliceStation now.The Police caught me n filed a case against me."POSESION OF A GORGEOUS FACE" i''mdoomed. Its all True,Wat should I do

A: We don''t know. Never happens.

Sex is like NOKIA(connecting people)like NIKE(just do it)like PEPSI(ask for more)like SAMSUNG(everyone is invited)and like ME(TO GOOD TO BE TRUE)!

3 wonders of a woman 1*give milk without eating grass 2*get wet without water 3*bleed for a week without going 2 die

I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!

Figure dis out: 3M TA3 Figured it out, yet? I thought u were SMART? I guess NOT!!!! Kay then: EAT ME backwards.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don''t, you''ve told her twice already!

I''ve got the ship, you''ve got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

Mary had 2 little lambs their names were Jack and Gypsy. One day they got foot and mouth and now they''re black and crispy.

A new study from America has revealed that if you are shit in bed and sexually inexperienced you will be holding your phone in your right hand!

Its a hard life being a penis,U hav a head with no brain,1 eye thats blind,2 neighbours that are nuts,the others an arsehole&your best mates a cunt

Do you take me 2 be ur lawfully loveable fren, 2 have and 2 hold, 4 rich qoutes or corny jokes, in text meassging & in poor signal, till low batt do us part?

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I''m looking for the man who shot my paw."

A: He couldn''t take his foot of the accelerator.

When im dead and in my grave, no more pussy i will crave. And apon my headstone will be seen, here liies the bones of a fucking machine.

A Guy goes up to a girl and says:Do you want to play magic?She asks:Whats Magic? He says:We go up to my room,We Fuck and the You DISAPPLEAR!!

Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it''s gone forever!

Old aunts used 2 come up 2 me @ weddings,poking me in d ribs and cackling,telling me,Ur nxt.They stopped after I started
Doing d same thing 2 them @ funerals.

Why doesn''t Jesus eat M and M''s? Cos they fall through his hands.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I''d put U and I together.

A Lady was found dead at home 2day!She was discovrd in her tub which was filled with milk and corn flakes.The police supect it was a cereal killer

CONFICIUS SAY: BOY WHO GO TO SLEEP WITH STIFF PROBLEM WAKE UP WITH SOLUTION IN HAND.

Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!