Funny Wishes and Status Messages - Page 147

Never let a man''s mind wander,
It''s too little to be out on it''s own!!!!

This turkey tastes like an old settee.
Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing.

Two blondes were driving to Disney Land when they saw a sign that read, "Disney Land left"
So they turned round and went home.

Hw do U kp an idiot amused?
W@ch ths message until it goes away!

Mary had a little lamb
The doctor fainted!!!

How do you keep a blonde busy all day?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner

What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop

Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey - he''s always stuffed !

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains...
Because the average man can see better than he can think

There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage, mink in her closet, tiger in her bed!
And of course adonkey to pay her bills!!

Drive carefully:
90% of people in this world are caused by accidents...

Why can''t men get Mad Cow''s Disease?
Because they are pigs

What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Tarzipan!

What does Father Christmas write on his Christmas cards?
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (No-L !!)

Drink until she''s cute
But stop before the wedding!

Tre wr 2 cows in a field - Daisy & MaBl.
D: ''I''ve bn artificially insemin@ed.''
M: ''I dnt Blieve U!''
D: ''Straight up, no bull!''

I Want triplets you want twins....
Lets get in bed and see who wins

What do 7''tall basketball players do in their off season?
Go to the movies and sit in front of you

Why don''t blondes talk whilst having sex?
Because their mums told them not to talk to strangers!

We had grandma for Christmas dinner?
Really, we had turkey!

What''s the difference between Bigfoot and intelligent men?
Big foot has been spotted a few times

Why did they call it PMS?
Mad cow disease was already taken!

blonde is on 1 side of a lake and yells 2 another blonde across the lake, ''How do I get 2 the other side?''
The other blonde yells back, ''U R on the other side!''

How many letters are in the Alphabet?
Nineteen. Because ET went Home on a UFO and the FBI went after him!

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?
No you can have turkey like everyone else !

Why did the blond woman sneak past the pharmacy?
She didn''t want to wake the sleeping tablets!

Guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter replies ''nothing special - we just flat out tell ''em they''re gonna die''.

How to impress a woman: compliment her, kiss her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her
How to impress a man: Show up naked, bring beer

Yesterday night I lay on my bed looking at the stars, then I wondered...
Hey, where on earth IS MY ROOF!

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went it would be hell