Funny Wishes and Status Messages - Page 149

I hate it when people point to their wrists to ask for the time! I mean, seriously, do I point to my crotch when I need to go to a Restroom?

Osama to Big B: How are you??
Big B: Bas Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. And you?
Osama: Bas Kabhi Gola Kabhi Bum.

Y did T jelly baby go 2 school?
Bcoz it wanted 2 B a smarty.

I went 2 by sum camouflage trousers T oTr day
But I cdnt find NE.

Wht do U cll a dog with no legs?
It doesn''t matter wot U cll him, he ain''t gonna cum.

Y did T farmer win a noBl prize?
Bcoz he was out st&ing in his field!

For sale complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 74 volumes. Good condition. £1,000 ONO.
No longer needed, got married, T wife knows eVthing!

T Japanese hv banned all animal movements after discovering droppings in T Bdding in 2kyo.
Ty Blieve it could B a case of Fu2n Mouse.

Abracadabra
Nope, ur still ugly!

2 men R fishing. A funeral march goes by. T 1st man places his hat on his chest. 2nd man says ''''That''s nice.
1st man says ''It''s T least I cn do. We wr married for 25 years.''

2 cows in a field. 1 cow says ''Hv U hrd about ths mad cow disease?''
T oTr thinks & replies ''Yep but it doesn''t affect us rabbits.''

Hw do U occupy an idiot?
Press down - Press up!

Every organisation is like a tree full of monkeys. Ones at the top can only see monkeys below them and ones at the bottom see only assholes above them.

Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain and that''s where you get your shitty ideas from!

Can''t believe that after all the shit that''s happened between them, they are still together.
Who?
Ur bums.

Y does Waheeda Rehman never changes her saree in the film GUIDE?
Coz Dev Anand says: O mere humrahi, meri baanh thame chalna, badle duniya SARI, tum na badalna.

What''s the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you & torture is thinking of you too much.

A young man asks a kind priest: Father is it a sin to sleep with a girl?
Father: No my child but the problem is that u guys never sleep.

Q: What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?
A: A Moti-vaiting.

Be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart for this may mean that there is still enough space for another girl on top.

Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming 2 her husband, Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.

Gujju lover: Darling mere kaan me kuch halka sa, kuch narm sa, Kuch namkin sa, Kuch mitha sa kaho!
Premika: Dhokla.

Banta: How does an attorney sleep?
Santa: First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.

Yaad mein tumhari mujhe loose motions lag gaye hain. Hain to ye aanso per lagta hai raata bhatak gaye hain.

Sharab Ek Bimari hai jo pure samaj ko khatam kar deti hai. To aao milkar is bimari ko khatam karen. Ek bottle tum khatam karo ek bottle hum khatam karen.

Like energy, love can neither be created nor destroyed. It can just be transferred from one girlfriend to another girlfriend.

Hi! Need one girl to marry... Age no bar, color no bar, height no bar, caste no bar, but girl''s father must have his own bar...CHEERS

Yamraj ne ek ladke ki jaan le li. Chitragupt- Iss ko waqt se pehle kyon mara?
Yumraj: Kya karun, March end mein target jo pura karna tha.

Look at the ocean & see God''s abundance! Look at the sky & see God''s glory! Look at the moon & see God''s wonder! Look at the mirror & see God''s Blunder!

Luk at the world as 1 big chocolate cake. It would never b complete without few sweets n nuts. Sweet like ME & nut like U.