Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
A: He couldn''t take his foot of the accelerator.
Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I''d put U and I together.
I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
What''s the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie? One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors
I''m late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn''t come back for a day and a half.
A: We don''t know. Never happens.
A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don''t serve food here".
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn''t looking good either.
Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
Why''d the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.
Just because you''re paranoid, it doesn''t mean they''re NOT out to get you.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
I like Kids. But I don''t think I could eat a whole one.
What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I''m home!
Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
It''s no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
Why doesn''t Jesus eat M and M''s? Cos they fall through his hands.
Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: An f****ing know it all.
What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
A: Her IQ goes up.
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