Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
I don''t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem
The best way to a man''s heart is to saw his breast plate open.
Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both sides.
There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.
If you haven''t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me
If I want your opinion, I''ll give it to you.
Right now I''m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I''ve forgotten this before.
I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is sms gossip.
Yes, this is my pickup. No, I will not help you move.
I might be in the basement. I''ll go upstairs and check.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won''t spoil me.
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With ahunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.
I''ve got the ship, you''ve got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
Just because you''re smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.
I pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.
Mind intentionally left blank...
If practice makes perfect, and nobody''s perfect, why practice?
Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
Sorry, I don''t date outside my species.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch
Nostalgia ain''t what it used to be.
Born Free........Taxed to Death.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I''d put U and I together.
You may be recognized soon. Hide.
If at first you don''t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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