Funny Wishes and Status Messages - Page 162

I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!

Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!

Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you''re an asshole!

Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.

When an apple is green, it''s ready to pluck, When a girl is sixteen she''s ready to ..WOOPS...wrong number....

I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back...! Nice Ass.

In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called Nob - So that''s the only shop you can go into and ask the assistant to wheel your Nob to the car cuz it''s too heavy.

Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and lets play that game!

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?

U good at math? Well, add a bed, subtract ur cloths, divide ur legs and we can multiply!

How to impress woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her
How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer.

Crime doesn''t pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

I like your style, you got sheer class, but babe, my god, I WANT YOUR ASS!

Bride''s Dad hands a note to the groom: ''GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.'' Groom gave another note back to father: ''CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.''

Hickory Dickory Dock, dis bitch woz suckin me c**k, da clock struck 2, i dumped me goo, & dropped her at da end of da block.

Bloke calls work : "Boss, cannae come in tae work. I''m sick"
Boss asks: "How sick are u?"
Bloke: "I''m F****ing my Sis, how sick is that???"

I went to ur house justnow - can''t enter cos door says *CUTE FOLK NOT ALLOWED* - pls take sign down next time ok!

U got Sex Appeal...U got Class...U got Moves...U got da Face, da Body....shit...I got wrong number...SORRY :)

A husband was asked: Do u talk to wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone

Always remember you''re unique - just like everyone else.

What u call dog with no legs? Don''t matter wot u call him, he ain''t gonna come.

HELP: Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and good lookin...so where you gonna hide ME?

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the disconnect key.

Why''d they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!

I heard you took an IQ test and they said you''re results were negative.

This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you''re too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Y did the jelly baby go 2 school? Cuz he wanted to be a smarty.