Funny Wishes and Status Messages - Page 169

The boss came early in the morning one day and found an employee kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"
"No, sir, this I do free of charge." The employee replied.

Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roil?
A: We don't know. Never happens.

The Pope has the best job in the world: he has one boss only, and even him he meets after his death.

Patient:" Doctor, I have yel low teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: "Wear a brown tie..."

Doctor: "Did you take the patient's temperature?"
Nurse: "No. Is it missing?"

Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages.
Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too.
Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them.

ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

Doctor, doctor, people keep telling me I'm ugly! Lay on the couch, face down.

Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."
Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

Santa: Marte waqt aacfmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Banta: Birla cement.
Santa- Kyun?
Banta: Kyunki is cement metn jaan hai.

Police Officer: Excuse me,but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.
Dog owner: Are, you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women?
Because when it's time to go back to childhood, a man is already there.

"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking'"
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really -1 spill most of it!"

"The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks."
"And did he?"
"Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."

Why did Banta Singh, the photographer, get thrown out by a procession of mourners? Coz he told the corpse "Smile Please"!!!

Q- Why would the couple stop after three children?
A. Coz they heard every fourth child born is Chinese.

Patient : Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I am a spoon.
Doctor: Sit there and don't stir.

Sardar ji selected a short girl to marry...Why? Because guruji told him "Museebat jitni choti ho utna hi achha."

Guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, "It seems I can't make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?"

Little bird in the sky, You look up and it sits in your
eye..you don't mind and you do not cry you just
thank God that cows do not fly..!

What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog. Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you. I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.

Once Banta tries to cheat Indian railways. He tries with a novel idea. He thinks a lot and finally did one thing, he bought the ticket and did not travel.

I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather-not screaming like the passengers in his car.

What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons while Civil engineers build targets.

Question: What's the difference between a Dentist and a Doctor?
Answer: The Doctor doesn't think that he's a Dentist.

God made man and then rested. God made woman and then no one rested.

If a "train station is where the train stops and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a workstation?