Why don''t you freeze your teeth and give your tongue a sleigh ride?
He has no equal. Everyone else is better.
Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.
You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.
He''s so full of shit, his eyes are brown.
His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.
He''s running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
You''re so weak, you couldn''t knock a sick whore off a shit pot.
People like him don''t just grow on trees - they swing from them
Why didn''t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?!
When he dies, they''ll bury him face down, so that he can see where he''s going.
Get your mind out of the gutter - it''s blocking my view.
He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.
He''ll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.
If you can laugh at yourself, you''ve got a really sick sense of humor.
He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.
Mother Nature is a supreme bitch.
You couldn''t warn to him even if you were both cremated together.
Gravity doesn''t exist. Earth sucks.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it''s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to
Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
Don''t piss me off! I''m running out of places to hide the bodies.
Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.
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