Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.
Don''t piss me off! I''m running out of places to hide the bodies.
He has no equal. Everyone else is better.
Why don''t you freeze your teeth and give your tongue a sleigh ride?
You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.
He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.
He''s so full of shit, his eyes are brown.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
He''s running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
People like him don''t just grow on trees - they swing from them
You''re so weak, you couldn''t knock a sick whore off a shit pot.
When he dies, they''ll bury him face down, so that he can see where he''s going.
Why didn''t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?!
He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.
Get your mind out of the gutter - it''s blocking my view.
He''ll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.
If you can laugh at yourself, you''ve got a really sick sense of humor.
He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.
Mother Nature is a supreme bitch.
You couldn''t warn to him even if you were both cremated together.
Gravity doesn''t exist. Earth sucks.
He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it''s safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to
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