Jokes Wishes and Status Messages

I am Looking for a Bank
which can perform Two things for me.
Give me a Loan,
and
then Leave me Alone….

Engineer, doctor, CA:-
Aaj mere paas Bangla hai…
Gaadi hai…
Naukar chakar hain…
Tumhare paas kya hai…??

Teacher: Mere paas garmi ki chhuttiya hain!!

Apple = Vitamins
Vitamins = Power
Pwer = Work
Work = Money
Money = Girlfriend
Girlfriend = Tension
Tension = Heart Attack
Heart Attack = Death
See what all prblms an apple can make.

Mahatma Gandhi Jayanti Hindi Joke:

Teacher: Summarise Gandhi Jayanti?
Funny Circuit: Mahatma Gandhi Was A Great Man,
but Maa Kasam I Dont Know Who Is Jayanti.

Teacher And Student Funny :

Teacher: What Happened In 1869?
Student: Mahatma Gandhi Was Born.
Teacher: What Happened In 1875?
Funny Student: Mahatma Gandhi was Six years old.

Little Sam (on phone): My son is having high fever and he won’t be able to come to school today.
Teacher: Who is this?
Little Sam: This is my father speaking!

Aaj ka suvichar :
Holi par jo sukhi holi khelne ki aur pani bachane ki slah dete the unse anurodh hai,
Apne Cooler me pani nahi dale.. Sukhe cooler chalaye.
Pani bachaye! Jal hi jeewan hai!

Neymar: Mai football ko apni ungliyo par do ghante tak ghuma sakta hun.
RAJNIKANT: Tumhe kya lagta hai, ye prithvi kiski ungliyo par ghum rhi hai...:D

Height of flirting of
ENGINEERS
.
.
Teachr: Where is your Asignmnt
book?
.
.
Stdnt:Mam, I lost it While
fighting with
students who said dat you are not the
most
beautiful
teacher in this college.

A Girl Takes 100 Pics In A
Day and Deletes 99pictures.
One Picture
That Seems Better.
She Uploads and
Comments ? Aaise Hi
Bethi Thi Yar Kisi Ne Click Kar Li?

When There Is a Long Gap Between Engagement & Marriage,
Who Is Most Benefited ?
?
Boy
No
?
Girl
No
?
It's The
.
.
.
Mobile Company!

Each year approximately 250,000 American husbands are physically attacked and beaten by their wives.

Ek important message...
Kabhi toot kar
bikhro to mujhe yaad kar lena mere dost...


Hum thoda bahut welding ka kaam bhi jaante hain.. ;)

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

'Why is your stomach so big?' – he asks.
'I´m having a baby.' – she replies.
'Is the baby in your stomach?' – he asks, with his big eyes.
'Yes, it is' – she says.
'Is it a good baby?' – he asks, with a puzzled look.
'Oh, yes. A really good baby.' – the lady replies.

Shocked and surprised, he asks: 'Then why did you eat him?'

Being in a Relationship and being in a Hospital is the same in India..


Every1 asks
"Serious hai kya?".... :)

I Saw It With My Eyes But Couldn’t Understand It
Took It In My Hands, But Couldn’t Understand It
Keep Thinking For A Long Time, But Again Couldn’t Understand It
It was Not A Dream,
It was Is Not A Love,
It was Not Even Friendship,
Then I Realized: “It Was Question Paper”

A man meets an accident with his new Ferrari.
.
Policemen arrives.
.
Man:- (cried) Officer! My brand new car!
.
.
Police replied:- You’re suchmaterialistic.
You even haven’t notice that your left
arm has been cut off.
.
Man-: He looks at his left arm and yells
OMG! My Rolex watch!.

A: Why are you late?
B: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
A: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it?
B: No, I was standing on it.

Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bada afsos hua, Vaise hua kya tha? Santa: Goli lagi thi mathe main.
Banta: Bhagwaan ka shukar kar ke aankh bach gayi.

Kiss Is The Key Of Love,
Love Is The Lock Of Marriage,
Marriage Is The Box Of Children,
And too many Children means more Problem for the world
So Please Stop Kissing & Save the world for a while…

Boy: I’m searching for the
most beautiful girl..!!

Girl: Look I came for you..!!
Boy: That’s nice! Now help
me to find her..!

Exams are like Girl friends
- Too many questions
- Difficult to understand
- More explanation is needed
- Result is always fail!

Modern...
Obedient..
Neat...
Kind...
Excellent..
Young.
Thats ME.
Dont feel sad... your name is also there...
read the 1st letter of every word.

Love Affair in school:
GIRL'S WAYS:
A girl sitting on THE 1st bench turns her back &
Sees THE boy Sitting on THE last bench & says- "Thank God !!!
Stupid Aaya Hai!"
.
BOY'S WAYS:
Before the boy could see his girl entering in the class
all his friends start shouting
"ABEY TERI WAALI AA GAYI".

Question by a student !!
If a single teacher can’t
teach us all the subjects,
Then…
How could you expect a single student
to learn all subjects ?

Santa giving exam while standing at the door.

A man asked “Why are you standing at the door?”

Santa: “Idiot, I am giving entrance test.”

Ques: Agar duniya mai bejli nahi hoti toh TV kaise dekhte?
.
.
.
.
Pathan: Mom-batti jala ke !

Hum Ek Baar Jite Hai Aur Ek Baar Marte Hai..
Shadi Bhi Ek Baar Hoti hai....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
But Flirt Apne Talent Pe Depend Karta Hai.......
Bhaisaab...>=) :p =)) =D X_X B-)

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

Pandit bolyo: dulha dulhan the kyun jaghdo karo ho,
The dono jeevan gadi ke do pahiya ho ,
Ab chain se apni jeevan gadi kheecho,
Dulha: Re pandit tharo to dimag hi kharab ho gayo ho,
Arey je gadi mein ek pahiya cycle ko ho,
Dusro tractor ka ho to gadi kaiyan chalegi !!

Ek Bar Pappu Interview ke liye jata hai....
Boss - Aisi kaun se chij hai, jisme to pahiye hote hain?
Pappu - Cycle
Boss - Nahi, Hero Cycle.
Boss - Accha ek or chij batao, aise kaun si chiz hai, jisme chaar pahiye hote hain?
Pappu- Car?
Boss - Nahi, Honda Car.
Pappu - Ab mein ek question puchu kya aapse?
Boss - Yes,
Pappu - Aise kaun se chij hai, Jo Safed Gole ke ander Kale gole jese lagti hai?
Boss - Aankh?
Pappu - Nahi, Saale.....Teriiii Maaaaa Ki Aankhhhh....