Jokes Wishes and Status Messages - Page 49

Santa writing in his Diary-
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My sister had a baby this morning!
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I haven't heard if its a Boy or Girl..
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So I dont know whether I'm MAMA or MAMI..

Banta built 2 Swimming Pools. And he left one of them unfilled?
When asked him, he said,
“Oye, that’s for those who don’t know Swimming.

Teacher:give me d name of a place
which is made by a man bt he cant go there
Student:Ladies Toilet

Santa: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: Sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Santa: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.

Teacher to Santa: Write your best friend’s name in English.
A Santa wrote: ‘ Beautiful Red Underwear’
A Teacher: What?
A Santa: His name is Sundar Lal chaadha.

Santa : People consider me as a “GOD”.
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,“Oh GOD ! U have came again”.

Santa bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

A boy n girl going 4 a romantic date
Boy:Darling,am i d first guy u hav kissed?

Girl:sure sweetheart but y do all u guys ask d same question.?

Banta ask santa: what will you
advise your children about marriage?


Santa declares: I’ll never marry in my life and
I’ll give same advice to my children also.

father: if u failed in exams again, don't cal me 'dad'

after some days .....
father: how is ur result?
son: sorry mahesh, i failed

MADAM: Last semester u were loving that girl & this semester u r loving with other.
What do u think of urself?




BOY: SYLLABUS changed mam...

A man was telling his neighbor,
“I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars,
but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

“Really,” answered the neighbor .
“What kind is it?”
MAN:“Twelve thirty.”

Q: Why did sexy woman cricketer slap commentator? A: Because commentator said: She is ready for the next delivery.

Santa caught his wife in affair.
He decided to kill her n himself.
Santa puts a gun on his head, looks at his wife a says: Don't laugh, u r next..

Q: What’s preferable...Parkinsonism or Alzheimer? A: Parkinsonism. It is better to spill half glass of beer than forgetting where you had kept bottle!

Banta got a sms from his girl friend: “I MISS YOU”
Banta replied: “I Mr. YOU” !!.

Son: Dad did you have a love marriage with mom? Santa: Yes son. How do you know? Son: Coz of the difference of 4 months between your marriage and my date of birth.

Santa Apni Wife Ke Sath Coffee Shop Gaya, hot Coffee order Ki, Coffee Atte Hi wife Se Bola Jaldi Jaldi pee. Wife Boli Kyu? Santa Bola Hot coffe Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs. 10.00

Santa: My boy is growing up, he is adult and wants to go out and enjoy with sweet girlfriends. Jeeto: My boy is past that. He wants to stay indoors with sweet girlfriends.

Santa in airplane going to Bombay . While its landing he was excited and shouted: ” Bombay … Bombay ”
Air hostess said: “B silent.”
Santa: “Ok. Ombay. Ombay”

Santa got promotion from clerk to manager. He went home and told his wife in new style “You will sleep with a manager today.” Wife fell unconscious.

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Santa: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.

Pappu: Dad what’s Sex?
Santa gets tensed but explains everything.
Pappu: But dad how do I write all that in this small box of school admission form?

Judge: Don’t U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Banta to judge: U R coming daily, don’t U have shame?

TERROR JOKE -
What will happen
if u throw an AMPLIFIER into the sea?
TSUNAMI will be created
since an amplifier converts
small waves into bigger wave.

Santa: Miss, Did u call me on my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Santa: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call”.

A boy was following a girl.
Girl: ,don’t follow me, because my mother is coming behind you'
Boy: 'don’t worry, my father is following her'.

one day
MAD scientist invent a stopwatch.
Sir can u tell me!!!
How it is useful for us?
The scientist answered : its help to find the time in micro seconds
Reporter:i can,t understand it?
Scientist : it can measure time in which woman change her mind

Banta: I think that girl is deaf.
Friend: How do u know?
Banta: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals (Shoes) are new