Jokes Wishes and Status Messages - Page 64
Jokes Wishes on Page 64 of 90
Updated 11 years ago
The doctor had just finished examining the very attractive young girl.
Doctor: ''Have you been going out with men, Miss Jones?''
Miss Jones: ''Oh. no, doctor, never!''
Doctor: ''Are you quite sure? Bearing in mind that I''ve now examined the sample you sent, do you still say you''ve never had anything to do with men?''
Miss Jones: ''Quite sure, ...
You Might Be an E.R. Volunteer if...
your immune system attacks a dog crossing your front garden.
you have delusions of being an emergency doctor.
the EMS guys think your name is the Coffee Mate.
you tell the doctors and nurses that you don''t get paid anything to do this and they look at you like you''r some kind of a freak.
your idea of a good time is a ...
One day, a guy with a horrible stuttering problem went to his doctor.
"D-d-d-docter, is t-t-t-there anything t-t-that you c-c-c-can do for my stuttering?"
"Hop on to the table, and I''ll give you an exam."
After the physical was over, the doctor told his patient that he thought he knew what the cause of his problem was.
"It seems that your ...
Last week my friend, Mabel, was feeling terribly ill so her husband ''phoned the doctor''s surgery.
''I''m afraid the doctor is busy until 10am Thursday,'' said the receptionist.
''But that''s three days away! My wife is terribly ill,'' pleaded Mabel''s husband. ''What if she''s dead by then?''
''Well,'' replied the receptionist, you can always ''phone and cancel the appointment.''
This 65 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous, what on earth are you doing?"
She says, "I just got my check-up and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, Yeah, right. ...
A man goes to the doctors and says, "Doctor, I''ve got this problem, only you''ve got to promise not to laugh."
The doctor replies, "Of course I won''t laugh, that would be thoroughly unprofessional. In over 20 years of being a doctor I''ve never laughed at a patient."
"OK then," says the man, and he drops his trousers. The doctor is greeted by the sight of the tiniest ...
A man complained to his friend "My elbow hurts I better go to the doctor." "Don''t do that," volunteered his friend "there''s a new computer at the drug store that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10, then the computer will give you your diagnosis and plan of treatment."
The man figured he had nothing ...
An old lady walks into a plastic surgeon''s office and tells him she wants a facelift. He says "Well, we have three models. The first is for $1000 and is guaranteed for one year, the second is $3000 and is guaranteed for 3 years and the last is $5000 and it is guaranteed for 5 years."
The old lady says "Well tell me about them."
The doctor says, "For $1000 you are ...
A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I''m a vet -- I don''t need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what''s wrong just by looking. Why can''t you?"
The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a ...
A man comes to the doctor with a long history of migrane headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migranes and STILL no improvement. "Listen," says the doc. "I have migranes, too...and the advice I''m going to give you isn''t really anything I learned in medical school, but it''s advice that ...
At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash ...
You Might Be an E.R. Doctor if...
your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
you think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
you get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.
you believe the waiting room should be equipped with a ...
Three doctors are waiting in line to get into the pearly gates. St. Peter walks out and asks the first one, "What have you done to enter Heaven?"
"I am a pediatrician and have brought thousands of the Lord''s babies into the world."
"Good enough to enter the gates," replied St. Peter and in he goes. The same question is asked of the second doctor.
"I am ...
A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?" The man replies "Not BAAAAD!"
Worried patient: ''Doctor, I''m very worried. I''m still suffering from exhaustion and fatigue when I come home from work every evening.''
Doctor: ''Oh, that''s nothing to worry about. Just have a few drinks before your dinner - that will soon wake you up.''
Patient: ''Thanks very much, doctor! But when I consulted you before, you told me to cut out drinking alcohol ...
A couple, age 67, went to the doctor''s office.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and he charged them $32.00 for the office visit.
Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it''s probably a duck," shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.
The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, ...
Grandma was nearly ninety years of age when she won 1,000,000 pounds on the football pools. Her family were extremely worried about her heart and feared that news of her large win would come as too much of a shock for her.
''Think we had better call in the doctor to tell her the news,'' suggested the eldest son.
The doctor soon arrived and the situation was explained to ...