Jokes Wishes and Status Messages - Page 73

Why couldn''t the apple send an e-mail to the orange? Because the lime was engaged.

A woman is sitting at a bar. A man approaches her. Hi, honey, he says. Want a little company? Why? asks the woman. Do you have one to sell?

Confidence and Confidential Son asks diff btw Confidence and Confidential Dad says, u are my son, I am Confident. Ur friend is also my son, thats Confidential.

Judge to accused: Have you anything to offer before I pass sentence on you?Accused: No, Your Honour. My lawyer took my last dollar.

Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents.

Why did God Create ''you'' before Me....? Ans: B''cause he wanted to Create a ''Sample'', Be 4 Creating A *Master-Piece*

SMS Heaven! Q) Why do Gods stay up in heaven? A) Because they are afraid of what they have created!

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I''ve lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I''m positive..."

Wife: Im ashamed of the way we live; papa pays the house rent, my brother sends food and clothing, aunty pays our electric and water bills and my friend Sheela buys us movie tickets.I dont like to complain but now its too much. Husband: U shud be ashamed; uve still got 1 sister and 2 brothers, who dont send us even a single penny.

tom enters kitchen and opens the sugar box. Sees inside and closes it. Wife observes the whole episode Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife asks Why are you doing this? Tom replies: Doctor told to check sugar level regularly

sorry 4 disturb u. can u fax me ur photo, its very urgent, serious matter has comeup actually, we r playing a cards and I lost the joker

What do u call a woman in heaven? An Angel. A crowd of woman in heaven? A host of Angels. And all woman in heaven? PEACE ON EARTH!

U r a Stupid Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand...

Husbd: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle. Wife: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml now it''s 1.5 ltr.

Sign post outside our collage- "Drive Carefully! Dont kill the Students, Wait for the Lecturers!".

What happened 2 ur network? I tried 2 call u but the operator said "Welcome 2 the jungle, the monkey u r trying to call is on the tree....Plz try later."

Her Job & My Job Her Job is to Bitch! Mine is to give her a Reason!

Teacher: Why is your nose red? Max: I smelled a b-rose. Teacher: But there is no "b" in rose. Max: There was in this one!

An english man and a desi man were both going to a interview. They were asked to use the colours green. pink and yellow. The english man goes in and says the grass is green, the sun is yellow and the sunset is pink. The desi man goes in and says my phone goes green green i pink it up and i say yellow!!

Man: God, how long is a million years to you? God: A second. Man: How much is $ 1 Million to you? God: A cent. Man: Can I borrow a cent? God: Wait a second. =)

A small kid wrote to Santa Clause, "send me a brother". santa wrote back, "send me ur mother".

Scientists all over the world r wondering how long a human being can live without a brain... Kindly tell them ur age...

Lady : So, you want to become my son-in-law? Boy: Not really, but I don''t see any other way 2 marry ur daughter!
"I hear that you drop some money in Stocks. Were you a bull or a bear?" "Neither, just a plain simple ass."

Teacher : Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?
Pupil: Moon...
Teacher : Why?
Pupil : The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it.

Man-i want a divorce. My wife hasnt spoken 2 me for six months now! Judge-better think it over! Wives like that are hard 2 get!

Sugar is sugar, Salt is salt, God made you dumbo, not my fault!

Showing his friend around his home, Jennings pointed out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage.

"The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth."

"Well," his friend replies, "since you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, you'll never be able to sell!"

"And that's where you're wrong," the man smiled. "If I sell it, my wife would kill me!"

Man: God, how long is a million years to you? God: A second. Man: How much is $ 1 Million to you? God: A cent. Man: Can I borrow a cent? God: Wait a second. =)

Man-i want a divorce. My wife hasnt spoken 2 me for six months now! Judge-better think it over! Wives like that are hard 2 get!

Guest: "Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat?"

Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."