Jokes Quotes - Page 77

Waiter gives bill 2 Santa
Santa:Take this card.
Waiter:But sir,this is voter card.
Santa:So what?u hav written there-ALL CARDS ACCEPTED

jinn: kya hukum hai mere aka?
Aaka: mere acount me 10crore cashaur katrina se shadi 10 sec me kara do
jinn: aaka hukum karo haramipana nahi....!!

Air hostes pathan se,
Sir,ap kya lena pasand karenge
Pathan: Humare liye taveez wala chai lao,
Airhostes: Abey akhrot, woh taveez nahi tea bag he

Jailor-Tum kis zurm mai andar aye ho


Qaidi-Sarkar Se competition ho gaya tha


Jaiol-Kis baat ka


Qaidi-Note chap ne ka

aurat jyotish k pas jakar hath dikhati he
Jyotsh: Aap 3 mahine me vidhva ho jayogi.
Aurat:Ye to mujhe bi pata he,ye batao pakdi jaaungi ya nai

2 Aadmi kabrastan me
1 bola-Ye log bade Aaram se sote hai
1 Murda kabra se utha or bola Kyo na soye
Yeh jagah Jaan dekar hasil ki hai

Santa:Mujhe to aankhe band karne par b dikhayi deta hai

Banta:Acha! Kya dikhta hai?

Santa:Andhera!

Child: Mom is bar hum sare patakhe is shop se lenge.
Mom: lekin beta ye to girls hostel hai.
Child: Papa to kehte hai ki sari phuljadiyan yhi rahti hai.

pandit- tumhare jeevan mein 6 ladkiyaan aayengi...
boy- kab aayengi???
pandit- jyada khush hone ki jarurat nahi hai, 1 biwi aur 5 daughters hain...

Wife-I am going to England
What gift i shall bring u.
Husband - A British girl.
Wife came back and said
Wait for nine months.

Aap ko macharone bhahoot pareshan kiya usaki khopadi ghoomi,usane zahar piya aou bola kato kato ab sab mar jaogey.

Man: sir i m married, i had 10 childs, plz tell me my favorite stone, favorite star, & favorite number, Astropamist: Oh. No. ab ap ka guzara SABAZ SITARA sey hi ho ga……

A man to cardiologist, How dare u tell my wife that she has a cute Vagina, Doctor, stupid, i told her that she has acute Angina.

Raat ko ek ladki ne Santa ki car ko rukne ka ishara kia
: Oh, Im Sorry! Main samjhi taxi hai.
Santa: Main bhi yehi samjha tha.

Next Generation sholay dialog-
Mom: Beta so jaa warna gabbar aa jayega..
Son: 100 rupya do warna papa ko bata dunga ki mere sone ke baad gabbar aata hai..

*Love b4 Marriage*
Janu…tum nahe to mei nahe,
mei nahe to tum nahe…

*Love after Marriage*
“baghairta”…Aj tu nahe ya me nahe

Mallika Sherawat ne Baba Ramdevji se pucha ke me nahate samay kya lagun ki mera yauvan surakshit rahe ?

Baba ne kaha -
CHITAKANI

Child:papa aunty ka pait kion phola hai?
Father:tujhey sub pata hai!
Child: nahin pata promise!
Father: in k pait main pani bhara hay
CHILD:Oh No! Bacha to doob jaye

6 Hijede badhaai dene gaye.
-:Haye-Haye:- **Hume to 2100 Lenge 2100**
piche se aawaz aaiiiiiiiiiiii
abe 2300 lelo Usme FM Bhi Hain.

Pagal khane me pagal nach rhe the
In me se 1 pagal khamosh baitha tha
Dr.ne pucha
tum q khamosh baithe ho ?

pagal ne kaha
bewquf mai Dulha hu....

bandar ki beti ne kaha papa main sadi karna chahti hun to bap ne kaha ruko dulha sms padh raha hai.agar w muskura de to samjho rista paka ho gaya.

wenever u feel like crying....those fat tears welling up in your eyes...come to me....





i am selling tissues!

BUY ONE GET ONE FREE!!!

salman:aaj mere paas 14 cars, 18 bikes, 4 bunglow,3 farmhouse hai......
tere paas kya hai?

amitabh: mere paas beta hai...
jiske paas teri item hai!!

Q: What is diff. between draft & cheque?
A: Draft is like a WIFE who can be trusted, Cheque is like a GIRLFRIEND which can bounce anytime.

MUSHARAF narak me yamraj se: Ek call pakistan kar lu?
yam: Ok !
call ke baad,
Mush :kitna bill hua?
Yam :kuch nahi.
Mush :kyon?
Yam : Narak 2 narak free hai...

Aman To Chaman: Tell Me 5 Animals Living In Water?
Aman: Hmmm…..Fish.
Chaman: Thik Ha Aur Chaar?
Aman: Fish Ke Brother, Sister Father And Mother…

Bnta:Baccha Paida hotay samay nanga Q aata hy?
S:Us k pas kapde kharedne k liya paise kaha Hota hy

Santa: Doctor, when I take a bath I get wet. Doctor: Ok, next time when you are going to take a bath, turn off the tap.

Teacher : How can we keep our school clean?
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Santa: By staying at home.

pagal-Dr. sahab main khud ko bhagwan samjhne laga hu.doctor-ye problem kabse hai? pagal- jabse maine ye duniya banai hai

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?.
Patient : Yes. A good doctor

Girl 2 Pandit: Ji mere 2 affairs hain, un dono main kis ke saath shadi hogi? wo khush naseeb kon hoga??
Pandit: Pehle se shadi hogi or dosra khush naseeb hoga.

Boy- chal shadi kr ke bhag jate hai ya bhag k shadi kr le. Gil- fate hue chappal se mar khayega ya chappal fatne tak mar khayega.

Papa- Beti 12th K Bad Kya Karogi?

Beti- B.B.A Karungi.

Papa- Wat is BBA!

Beti- Boyfriend Ki Bike Pr Aish ..!

Memon At Petrol Pump

Bhai 1rs Ka Petrol Dal Do

Salesman: Bhai Itna Sara Petrol Dalva
K Kahan Jana Hai?

Memon: Jana Kahan Hai Hm
To Aise Hi Paise Urate Hen

Ek 16 saal ka ladka mar gaya..

Uski maa boli- isne toh abhi duniya bhi nahi dekhi

1 ladki boli- aunty aap chinta nat karo maine dikha di thi

Kanjoos to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota to naya q lerahe ho
Kanjoos: jo toota hai woh akhri tha…

Titanic

Sante ne Apni Biwi ko Dost k sath ghumte hoye dekh kr Dost ko goli mar di
biwi boli
Apne Gusse pe kabu rakho Varna 1din sare Dosto se Hath
dho bethoge.

Santa- Sir aap apni patni ko party me kyun nhi le jate?

Boss- Bcoz vo gaon ki hai.

Santa- sorry sir mujhe laga k vo sirf aapki hai....

wife to husband :
doctor adviced me for bed rest 1 month in a beautiful foreign country
so where we will go ?

Husband : we will go to a new doctor.

Receptionist: just wait, plesase
customer :Oh!my weight is 60Kgs.

Boy- Nice dress!
Girl- Thanx!
Boy- Lipstick bhi acchhi hai..
Girl- Thanx!
Boy- Make up bhi achha hai!
Girl- Thanx bhaiyya!
Boy- Phirbhi sundar nahi lag rahi... ;-)

GIRLS 1970: Jia beqraar hai aai bahar hai, aa ja moray baalma taira intzar hai
GIRLS 2009: Jia beqraar hai aai bahar hai, aa ja moray baalma WERNA DOSRA TIYAR HAI....

Teacher:Oxygen is must for Breathing . It was discovered in 1773.
Sardar:Thank God I was born after that .
Pehla Paida hota to mar hi jata .

Ek boyfriend apni girl friend se bola, darling mere kaan mein
kuch naram sa, kuch halka, kuch mulayam sa kaho.
Girl friend boli 'DHOKLA'

TEACHER ASKS STUDENTS -WHAT THEY WANT 2 BECOME IN FUTURE?
1.SONU:DOCTOR 2.LALITA:TEACHER
3.HEMANT:POLICE 4.RANI:A GUD MOM
5.ASHIS:SIR I'LL HELP RANI...........

Wife : Kal rat tum nind me muje galiya de rahe the
Husband : Tumhe galat-fehmi hui he

Wife : Kaisi galat-fehmi?
Husband : Yehi ki me nind me tha