One Liners Wishes and Status Messages - Page 19

Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party?
Becase he was a party pooper.

Yo mamma is so fat:
She eats Wheat Thicks.
We''re in her right now.
She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world.
She lay on the beach and people ran around saying, "FREE WILLY."

Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window.

Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a window.

Yo mamma so fat, every time she turns around its her b-day!!!

Yo mama''s so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.

Yo mama''s so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks.

How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
None. The invisible hand does it.

How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.

What''s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
The bucket.

What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.

Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
No? Good!

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two. One to change it, and another one to change it back again.

Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She''s 97 today and we don''t know where the hell she is.

I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat people.

Yo mama''s so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.

Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn''t do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn''t do my homework.

What is green and smells?
Hulk''s fart.

Yo mama''s so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn''t get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Yo mama''s so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs.

You so short you have to look up to look down.

Yo mamma so ugly when she was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea lets go bury it".

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

What''s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Yo mama''s so fat, when she fell in love she broke it.

How do you make a blonde''s eyes sparkle?
Shine a torch into her ear...

Why won''t sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.

I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry.

Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.