How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
There''s no future in time travel.
When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.
Wear short sleeves; support your right to bare arms!
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren''t sucked into jet engines.
For sale: parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Polynesia - memory loss in parrots.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn''t listen.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
I love cats; they taste just like chicken.
Smokers are just like everybody else. Just not as long.
Corduroy pillows - they''re making headlines!
Lord save me from your followers.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don''t have film.
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Somebody who knows how will always have a job. Working for someone who knows why.
Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor?
I''d like to have more self-esteem, but I don''t deserve it.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don''t expect it back.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?
Death to all fanatics!
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Beat the 5 o''clock rush, leave work at noon.
If at first you don''t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn''t for you.
I couldn''t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
If we aren''t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Guns don''t kill people, postal workers do.
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