There''s no future in time travel.
When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren''t sucked into jet engines.
Wear short sleeves; support your right to bare arms!
For sale: parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Polynesia - memory loss in parrots.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
I love cats; they taste just like chicken.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn''t listen.
Smokers are just like everybody else. Just not as long.
Corduroy pillows - they''re making headlines!
Lord save me from your followers.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don''t have film.
Somebody who knows how will always have a job. Working for someone who knows why.
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
I''d like to have more self-esteem, but I don''t deserve it.
Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor?
Borrow money from pessimists - they don''t expect it back.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Death to all fanatics!
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Beat the 5 o''clock rush, leave work at noon.
If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?
If at first you don''t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn''t for you.
Guns don''t kill people, postal workers do.
If we aren''t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
I couldn''t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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