Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Can a blind person feel blue?
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
Man cannot live by bread alone, unless he''s locked in a cage and that''s all you feed him.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you''ll have to catch up.
If a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed?
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
"I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do" is the longest sentence?
Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery. Stalking is.
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn''t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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