One Liners Wishes and Status Messages - Page 41

Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!

Attempt to get a new car for your spouse - it''ll be a great trade!

Jesus loves you! It''s everybody else that thinks you''re an ass.

Don''t get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It''s a lot easier on you.

A thing not worth doing isn''t worth doing well.

I think sex is better than logic, but I can''t prove it.

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.

Money isn''t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

My Wild Oats Have turned to Shredded Wheat!

. I don''t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.

If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Jesus is coming! Look Busy.

Lord, if I can''t be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.

I''d kill for a Nobel Peace prize.

When blondes have more fun do they know it?

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die

Sometimes too much to drink isn''t enough.

Losing a husband can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.

The meek shall inherit the earth.....after we''re through with it.

Ham and Eggs: A day''s work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

Chastity is curable, if detected early.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.

It''s hard to make a comeback when you haven''t been anywhere.

Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?

Seen it all. Done it all. Can''t remember most of it.