Don''t get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house. It''s a lot easier on you.
A thing not worth doing isn''t worth doing well.
I think sex is better than logic, but I can''t prove it.
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!
Attempt to get a new car for your spouse - it''ll be a great trade!
Jesus loves you! It''s everybody else that thinks you''re an ass.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
Money isn''t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
. I don''t have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
My Wild Oats Have turned to Shredded Wheat!
If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.
Jesus is coming! Look Busy.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Lord, if I can''t be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.
I''d kill for a Nobel Peace prize.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Losing a husband can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.
The meek shall inherit the earth.....after we''re through with it.
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die
Sometimes too much to drink isn''t enough.
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
Ham and Eggs: A day''s work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
Chastity is curable, if detected early.
Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?
Seen it all. Done it all. Can''t remember most of it.
It''s hard to make a comeback when you haven''t been anywhere.
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