One Liners Wishes and Status Messages - Page 42

Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.

A doctor says to a man "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don''t know, I''m 140 miles away!"

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says "You''re crazy" The man says "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you''re ugly too!"

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered "So did my arthritis!"

The patient says "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." "Then don''t do that!"

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn''t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said "Cough!"

I know a guy who had his doctor say "take some weight off, go to a health club." This man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I''m mad at my neighbor!"

Doctor says to a man "You''re pregnant!" The man says "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says "The usual way, a little wine, a little dinner...."

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don''t answer!"

"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says "Limp!"

A man goes to a psychiatrist "Nobody listen to me!" The doctor says "Next!"

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

If at first you don''t succeed, redefine success.

You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.

The Doctor says "You''ll live to be 60!" "I AM 60!" "See, what did I tell you?"

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man''s chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That''s what puzzles me!"