One Liners Quotes - Page 8

WHAT DID THE GHOST SAY TO THE BEE?
BOO-BEE

Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
Cause he was caught with seaweed.

What do you call an anorexic with thrush?
A quarter pounder with cheese!

What did the left nut say to the right nut?
The guy in the middle thinks he is so hard!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?
Matt

What do you call a woman with one leg?
Ilene

What''s the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
Lipstick

Why do gerillas have big nostralls?
Coz they got big fingers!!!!!!!!!

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery.

Why are there no asprins in the jungle?
Because the Parots-ate-em-all

What is a dogs favourite school subject?
"Dog-Ruff-E "

What is invisable and smells like carrots?
Rabbit farts.

What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
I have no I-Deer

What do you call a fish with no eye ?
FSH !

How do you stop a fish from smelling?
Cut its nose off

If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?

What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
DAMN!

What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies !

What do you call a camal with 3 humps?
Humphreys

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud

Bungee jumping is like getting a blowjob off your granny, It feels great but for christs sake don''t look down.

Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone."
George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore."
Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark . . . "

Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air.

A mushroom walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hay , could I get a beer please"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don''t serve food here"
The mushroom says "Why not I''m a Fungi!"

A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hay , could I get a beer please"
The barthened looks at him shacking his head and say "No, we don''t serve food here"

A blonde walked into a bar
OUCHH!!!

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Damn

Where does the one legged waitress work?
The Ihop

Did you hear about hte new French tank?
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes foreward incase the enemy attacks from behind.

Patient: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps on copying me!
Doctor: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps on copying me!

One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."

A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on his cock.
A lady asks "What are you dressed as?"
He says a fireman!
You break the glass, pull the knob and I''ll cum as fast as I can.

What''s the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!

What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear.

Why was the washing machine laughing?
Because it was taking the piss out the underpants.

A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I''ve got some "Cream" For that.

Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted?
Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather.
Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...

What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a boner?
He smashed his his nose.

What did the german clockmaker say to the clock that only went ''tick, tick, tick''?
''Ve haff vays of making you tock!''

This male prostitute contracted leprosy. He did okay for a while, but then his business dropped off.

An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man. ''What are you doing'' he shouted. To which his wife said to her lover ''I told you he was stupid''

What has 90 balls and screws little old ladies?
Bingo.

Did you hear about the spanish fireman who named his sone Hose A and Hose B?

Are you allowed to kiss a nun?
Yes. But don''t get into the habbit.

Eve to Adam: ''What do you mean the kids don''t look like you?''

I''d cross the hottest desert,
I''d swim the deepest sea,
I''d climb the highest mountain,
But I can''t come over tonight because it''s raining.

What''s the difference between a rotwieler and a poodle?
If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

What''s brown and sticky?
A stick.