One Liners Wishes and Status Messages - Page 10

Yo mama''s so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.

A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says that there''s nothin'' special... we just flat out tell'' em they''re gonna die...

Yo mamma is so fat:
She eats Wheat Thicks.
We''re in her right now.
She was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for a new world.
She lay on the beach and people ran around saying, "FREE WILLY."

Yo mamma so ugly when she was born, your mother said, "What a treasure!" and your father said, "Yea lets go bury it".

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.

Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
No? Good!

How do you make a blonde''s eyes sparkle?
Shine a torch into her ear...

Why won''t sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.

What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough sand.

Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.

Harry''s wife says, "Harry, do these jeans make my ass look like the side of the house?" He says, "No, our house isn''t blue."

There was a man who entered a local paper''s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

What''s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.

You so short you have to look up to look down.

Yo mamma so ugly, she got arrested for mooning when she looked out a window.

How do you know if your a red neck?
You go to the family reunon to find a date!

Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn''t do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn''t do my homework.

Want to hear two short jokes and a long joke?
Joke. Joke. Joooooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkke.

Yo mamma so fat, every time she turns around its her b-day!!!

What''s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
The bucket.

Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party?
Becase he was a party pooper.

What is defference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.

HUSBAND: Shall we try a different position tonight?
WIFE: That''s a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks.
The first drunk says, "There''s a hell of a lot of steps here."
The second drunk says, "I''ll tell you what''s worse, this hand rail is bloody low down"

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

Yo mamma so stupid, she tried to commit suicide by jumping out her basement window.

Two Muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "Holy Shit it''s hot in here!" The other muffin says, "Holy Shit... A talking muffin!"

Yo mama''s so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon.

What is green and smells?
Hulk''s fart.