Latest Quotes

Like an angel you"ve brightened my life with ur magical ways.Ur warm caring love adds a silver lining to my cloudy days.Ur cheerful smile lights up my life with joy...always.Thanx for being such a wonderful friend!!!!!

Friendship is a beautiful flower that blossoms anywhere.As long as it is tendered with gentle loving care there is NOTHING more special than friendship and no friend more special than "you"

A true friend is hard 2 find,is always in ur mind,is 1 of a kind...A true friend is sum1like you.Its wonderful to have you in my life

Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.

I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.

I''m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

If you can''t change your mind, are you sure you still have one?

Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"

If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?

Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

What''s the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.

Why don''t men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don''t have any. 1

A: Run like hell....she''s got a hand grenade in her mouth.

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

What''s the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant

What do you call a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing

Borrow money from pessimists--they don''t expect it back

There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?

Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.

Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.

Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.

My Reality Check bounced.

I''d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

You''re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Just because you''re paranoid, it doesn''t mean they''re NOT out to get you.

I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

It''s no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn''t looking good either.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...

Why''d the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I''d put U and I together.

Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don''t serve food here".

A: An f****ing know it all.

Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?

A: He couldn''t take his foot of the accelerator.

Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?

A: We don''t know. Never happens.

Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I''m home!

Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

Why doesn''t Jesus eat M and M''s? Cos they fall through his hands.

Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.