Latest Quotes - Page 2058

If you really ressemble the picture on your ID, you are not fit enough to travel.

It is charming, incredibly handsome, extremely good, well shaped, horny,an animal in bed and it knows one French word ... MOI!!

Love me or leave me. Hey,where is everybody going ???

My feelings for you are like the sea. " Wild and romantic ? " "No, they make me sick."

My mother in law walks five miles every day, I wonder where she is at this moment...

Nice perfume... but do you really need to marinate in it?

One out of four people is a chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you.

Opticians bend your the rims/frames of your glasses for they are too polite to say that your ears are in the wrong place.

Read in a hospital... The psychiatrist may nog be disturbed

The more I learn the more I get to know, the more I know the more I forget, the more I forget the less I know, so why should I be learning??

The one who digs a hole for someone else, is sweating blood !

They dropped your name, can you pick it up ?

This is your boss: "You are allowed to read the newspaper during the working hours and do certainly not miss the job adds."

We cannot grant you a life insurance policy because you are already 102 years old. "I do not understand. It is proven statistically that at that age only few people die."

You are never too blond to learn !!!

You got STYLE... You got SEX-APPEAL... You got the BRAINS... and you sure as hell got the BODY....WAIT!!!!!...SORRY....wrong number

You have the ones that think and you have the ones that do things. The worst kind are those who think that they are doing things.

You with your beautiful eyes, you with your nice hair, you with your fantastic body ... o, sorry, wrong number

You’d better not be a dayfly and not having your day.

It's important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It's also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!

i tried to call you from a payphone last night. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm and a leg!

Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the joker!!

Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all!

How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated?

HALLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!!

God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes!

Do not disturb, I am enough disturbed as it is . . .

Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly!!

e nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last.

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grandma's gone?

What do Germans use for birth control?
Their personalities!

Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.

Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.

If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.

Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any. 1

What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant

What do you call a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing

Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back

There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!

My Reality Check bounced.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.