Funny Wishes and Status Messages - Page 99

When somebody who''s deeply in love with you tells you that you''re cute, beautiful, and angelic, I agree. That''s true, believe me, I swear because love is BLIND!

It takes patience to keep a nagging wife; fortune to keep an ambitious wife; four eyes to keep a pretty wife.

Gandhigiri ki safalta ke baad, pesh hai. Messagegiri jisme aap msg kare ya na kare, ham msg bhejte rahenge, kabhi to aapko sharm aayegi. Gud Day!

Ladkiyan apna dupatta ladke k samne aane k baad hi kyon theek karti hain?
Luteron ko dekh kar hi Daulat ki hifazat ka khayal Aata hai!

A pregnant lady went to an astrologer.
Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby''s father will die.
Lady: Thank god! My husband is safe!

Ek Gujju ka sapne mein kisi ne rape kar diya di. Next day Gujju ne apna Bank acccount band karwa diya kyon ki Bank mein likha tha: Hum aap k Sapno ko Haqeeqat mein badal denge.

Ek Church k gate pe likha tha: Jo paap kar k thak gaye wo meri sharan me aaye.
Ek callgirl ne niche apna mob no likh diya: Jo nahi thake wo meri sharan me aaye.

A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad!

At a party, someone yelled: All married guys plz stand next to one person who has made ur life worth living.
The bartender was almost crushed to death.

Ma: Beta ladoo Khayega?
Beta: Nahin
Mama: Chocolate?
Beta: Nahin
Mama: Khana?
Beta: Nahin
Mama: Marjana apne peo te gaya hai, sirf jutiyan hi khayega.

Q: What time is it when most people go to the dentist?
A: Tooth-Hurty!

Hasi ke liye gam kurban, khushi ke liye aansoo kurban, dost ke liye jan bhi kurban, agar dost ki girlfreind mil jaye to saala dost bhi kurban.

It’s wrong that Alcohol makes u fat... It doesn''t! It actually makes u LEAN... against bars, poles, walls, friends & strangers! Cheers!

How do u identify a true music lover?
A man when he hears a woman singing in the bathroom and puts his ear to the keyhole instead of his eye!

Suraj ki pahli kiran aapko Khusi de... Dusri kiran hasi de... Teesri tandurasti... Chouthi kamyabi... Bas ab aur nahi garmi lagegi. Good Day.

Doctor to Lady: U r looking so weak and exhausted ! Are U properly taking 3 meals a day as I had advised ?
Lady: Oh my God ! I heard 3 Males per day !

Doctor, cut off my dog''s tail.
Vet: Why do u want to do that?
Coz my mom-in-law is visiting us & I don''t want anything to make her think she''s welcomed.

First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.

Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ?
"Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"

Teacher class mein apne baby ko doodh pilate hue boli: Ale ale mela beta dudh p k doctor banega.
Santa: Mam! Thoda hame bhi pila do hum compounder hi ban jaayenge.

Ek shrabi sadhu se takra gaya. Sadhu: Oh murkh, mein tuje shrap deta hoon…
Sharabi: Ruko, me glass leke ata hoon.

Buffalo par baithe ek jaat koTRAFFIC police ne rok k puchha: Aap ka helmet kahan hai? Fine lagega.
Jaat: Re baawale, dhayan se dekh Neeche, 4 wheeler hai !

Wife: I Have Changed My Mind.
Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now?

Most of my friends are normal, sane, cultured, decent, intellectual & well-behaved persons... Just wanna thank you for breaking the monotony!

Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor and make several women happy!

Amitabh: Mere pas Gaadi he, Banglaw hai, Bank Balance hai, tumhare paas kya hai?
Shashi: Mere paas bhi Gaadi hai, Bunglaw hai, Bank Balance hai...
Silence for few Minutes...
Amitabh: Abey to phir Maa kahana hai?

Gud afternoon. Aap g de sare pariwar nu sunday di lakh-lakh wadhahi hove. Parmatma kare aap g de jeevan de har hafte da satwan din Sunday hove. Happy Sunday.

Baap: Beta maine tere liye ek ladki dekhi hai, Vo Roopvati, Gunvati, or Sarasvati hai.
Beta: Lekin papa mein kisi or se pyar karta hoon or vo.. Garbhvati hai.

Height of Marwari Kanjusi: Looking for a second Hand Tata Nano Car.......preferably with Gas Kit!!!

Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing?
Clerk: Yes.
Robber shot him dead & asked d next clerk: Did u?
2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!