Jokes Wishes and Status Messages - Page 54

BOY: My grandfather lived for 96yrs but he never used glasses..
SARDAR: I know some people drink directly from bottle

A sardarji in library bangs a book and says: Too boring, too many characters and no story.
Librarian: so you are the one who took the phone directory away?

Santa becomes driver of a train. The 1st train driven by him was 8 hours late b`coz he stopped at every halt and asked " Is this the right track for Amritsar?"

Santa: You remind me of the sea.
Jeeto: Because I'm wild, unpredictable and romantic?
Santa: No, because you make me sick.

Seven Phases of Life

1.Studies

2.Games

3.Entertainment

4.Love

5.

6.

7.

Life Ends When Love
Starts!!!

when sum1 touches u
&
u don’t feel it,
its IGNORANCE.

When sum1 touches u
&
u feel it, its LOVE.

but when nobody touches
u but u feel it, then its KHUJLI;-)

Definition of
"A great loser":


A person who dials a number
(written with lipstick on a phone booth)
and...

.

.

.



His wife picks up the phone... ;-)

UNIVERSAL TRUTH :

When girls wear tight fittings,
Neither they are
Comfortable

Nor

Boys are comfortable…. !!

Can I've Another Glass Of Water, Plz? Ask Jhony

But Tht's 10th One I've Given U 2nite. Daddy Says

Jhony: Yes But d Baby's Bedroom Is Stil On Fire. =P ;)

…. Boyfrnd :sorry I cant marry u,my family is not permiting me..grlfrnd:who is there in ur family?boy:my wife n kids…

A man traveling at 130 mph on th highway ws stopped by highway police.
Man:"Sorry,officer was I driving too fast?"
Officer:"No,sir.U were flying too slow."

There are two cows in the field
1st cow: are you afraid of mad cow disease??

2nd cow: naaaa! it can’t affect me because ‘i am a rabbit’

How Can A Father

Make His Daughter

Walk On The Street

Looking Down The Earth??











Just Gift Her A Mobile With Free Sms;-)

What is the similarity between Aamir Khan in Ghajini and Detailing to Doctors.Both cant remember anything after 15 minutes..Short-term memory

|~ tODAYz thOUgHT ~|
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Always dn't depend on my thoughts,
Try to think of ur own sumtimes.!
Useless fellow.

Father to son:
whenever i beat you,
you dont get annoyed,
how you control your anger?
son: i start cleaning the toilet
seat with your toothbrush

Tcher:"George chopped down his fathers tree & admitted doing it. Do u know why his father didn't punish him"
Johnny:"Bcoz George still had th axe in his hand."

Never KISS a lady police,
She will say, hands up.
Never KISS a lady doctor,
She will say, Next please
Always KISS a lady teacher,
She will say, repeat it 5 time

During marriage ceremony why is the man made to sit on horse or in the car
ans: god gives him a last chance to escape

Passenger: How dare u put ur hand in my pocket?
Santa: I wanted a matchbox.
Passenger: U could have asked me.
Santa: I don't speak to strangers.

Sardar sent sms to his boss:
Me sick, no work.

Boss sms back:
When I am sick I kiss my wife, try it.
2 Hours later
Sardar sms 2 boss:
Me ok, ur wife very sweet.

Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Jailor: Kyon has rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon!

News reporter:
KHAN SAAB ye batain k plateform
par kharay saray pathan kaisay maray?

Pathan: aik elan hua k train plateform per aa rahi hai,
sub ne patri par chalang laga di.

Reporter:Phir aap kaisay buch gaye?

Pathan:main khudkushi k liye patri per leta tha,
ye elan suna to main plateform per ja ker lait gaya:)

Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.

A very old lady teacher of English ask this question with the class:
When I say “I am beautiful”, which tense is it?

One pupil answered: Its the past tense of course.

Never kiss a female Lawyer she will say 'I OBJECT'
You can kiss a female Doctor she will say 'NEXT'
But Always kiss a Teacher she will say 'DO IT FIVE TIMES'

Buyer to seller : is it pure honey ?How do I know if it is pure honey ?

Seller : give the dog some honey ..
if the dog doesn’t lick it, it is pure honey

Buyer :what if the dog licks it ?

Seller: so it is not a real dog.

SIR to Student:-
What is the similarity between girlfriend and mobile??
STUDENT:-
Sir both are discoonected when there is 'NO CURRENCY!'

Santa joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Santa : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.